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Ask me anything, the dirtier the better. http://www.formspring.me/cburrowsphoto

What a lovely day to be up at the trailer. The sun's not out but it's not cold. Just right.

I have a fire going, unfortunatley I had to use lighter fluid to get it going but it's going.

What a great way to unwind.

Requiem for a soldier

You never lived to see
What you gave to me
One shining dream of hope and love
Life and liberty

With a host of brave unknown soldiers
For your company, you will live forever
Here in our memory

In fields of sacrifice
Heroes paid the price
Young men who died for old men's wars
Gone to paradise

We are all one great band of brothers
And one day you'll see we can live together
When all the world is free

I wish you'd lived to see
All you gave to me
Your shining dream of hope and love
Life and liberty

We are all one great band of brothers
And one day you'll see - we can live together
When all the world is free

Music by Michael Kamen
Lyrics by Frank Musker

Happy Birthday Shawna

Today we celebrate my wife's 29th birthday.

What can I say about the woman I love more than anything in this world? She is perfect for me. Takes care of me. Knows me better than I know myself.

If not for her this family would not be able to function the way it does.

I love you so very much, Shawna, and hope you have a wonderful year.

Dear Penthouse Forum...

Dear Penthouse forum.

You're never going to guess what happened to me today. It all started when I came home from work after a very long and frustrating day and what did I find my wife doing in the kitchen? Well, she was grilling the biggest and juiciest steak you've ever seen. And, to boot, she had in her hands a great big frosty glass of Keith's all for me.

"This isn't all I have planned for our evening," she said to me as I sat down to eat. She moved behind me and started massaging my neck as I ate my dinner.

When I was done she took me upstairs, stripped me down to my boxers, threw me on the bed and gave me the greatest back rub ever.

"Now it's your turn to do me," she said stripping off her close and lying next to me.

"Not a problem," I replied and I quickly massaged her back and arms.

"Mmmm, that feels great," she moaned, "but you know what's time for?"

"I sure do," I replied.

We both jumped under the covers. She shut off the light and I turned on the TV and we curled up together and watched Grey's Anatomy. I fell asleep not long after.

The end.

In rememberance.

Last week on my way home from work I got caught in traffic caused by the motorcade of one of our fallen soldiers returning home. But don't get me wrong, this is not the type of traffic that upsets me in an angry way.

I still get amazed at how much we Canadians care for our fallen soldiers. Still, after all these years we pile on the overpasses or pull over to the side of the road to show our respect for those who gave their lives in the pursuit of freedom.

Can any other nation say the same? The U.S. say they're patriotic but where's their Highway of Hero's? Are their citizens lining up to pay their respects on the highways? No. In fact President Obama recently did another presidential first but personally paying his respects to fallen American soldiers as they were taken off the plane. I'm sure back in the infancy of the U.S. the founding fathers honoured their soldiers. After all, they died building their "great" nation; I emphasised great as it is a matter of opinion. But in these modern times how are the American Presidents showing their respect?

Back in April I wrote two posts honouring our fallen soldiers: Lest We forget and Lest We Forget Part Two. Today I want to continue the list of our fallen soldiers:

120. Private Alexandre Péloquin, June 8, 2009

121. Corporal Martin Dubé, June 14, 2009

122. Corporal Nicholas Bulger, July 3, 2009

123. Master Corporal Charles-Philippe Michaud, July 4, 2009

124. Corporal Martin Joannette, July 6, 2009

125. Master Corporal Patrice Audet, July 6, 2009

126. Private Sébastien Courcy, July 16, 2009

127. Corporal Christian Bobbitt, August 1, 2009

128. Sapper Matthieu Allard, August 1, 2009

129. Major Yannick Pépin, September 6, 2009

130. Corporal Jean-François Drouin, September 6, 2009

131. Private Patrick Lormand, September 13, 2009

132. Corporal Jonathan Couturier, September 17, 2009

133. Lieutenant Justin Boyes, October 28, 2009

134. Sapper Steven Marshall, October 30, 2009

Good bye Gramma Blackburn

You can tell a lot about a family by taking a good look at the heads of the household. The Blackburn's are definitely a cut above the rest.

I've been going out to Haydon to spend time with Gramma Blackburn and her family for the last seven years, since Shawna and I started dating, and never once was I made to feel like I wasn't part of the family, and I think everyone who has married into this family would agree.

Gramma past away quite suddenly last Friday. It was a shock to everyone because she seemed fine. One of the more prominent stories going around at the viewings were the number of people who commented on how they had just visited her at her home in the last few weeks and how she seemed her normal happy self.

She had lived a long life of 88 years and raised five fantastic children and six equally fantastic grandchildren. All of whom I'm proud to call family. They are a close knit family always getting together for no better reason than to just be together.

I am going to miss going to Gramma's for little visits. I am going to miss how welcome she always made me feel.

Gramma, the world may be a little colder for your passing, but my heart is warmer for just having known you. Thank you for this wonderful legacy you have left behind for which I am proud to be a part of.

Rest in Peace.

"Shut up Daddy."

I would very much love to know who taught my daughter to say shut up.

You know, it's funny, when our children are first born we get so excited when thinking about all the firsts they're going to have. Their first smile, the first time they sit-up on their own, their first steps and, of course, their first words. You just can't wait for the first time they mutter mumma and dadda to you.

As Tim McGraw wrote "Sometimes you're asleep I whisper "I love you!" in the moonlight at your door. As I walk away, I hear you say, "Daddy love you more!". These words always brought a tear to my eye just thinking about my little girl saying them to me.1

And now she says them, along with a lot of other things. She has quite the vocabulary for a two year old. I will admit, it was a little funny the first time she swore. Both my wife and I found it hard not to laugh at times, especially when she uses them in the correct context. But now she's taken to telling us to shut up and we have no idea where she learned it from.

So lets face it. Talking is the "gateway drug" of all the bad behaviours children have. Once they start talking then they can started telling you "no" and, of course, "shut up". They talk back, yell and scream. And then, oh God, it leads to dating. And not just dating anyone, but she's going to bring home the worse kind of guy because she knows you won't approve.

The teenage years I'm absolutely dreading. "I love you Daddy," is going to be replaced with "you're so embarrassing" and "I hate you". My heart breaks just thinking of it.

Well, no matter what little demons our angels grow into, we'll love them to death and eventually they will grow out of it.

They will grow out of it? Right?

1. Lyrics taken from My little Girl by Tim McGraw

Baby Number 2

Well it's been a while since I blogged. I've been quite uninspired to write lately but how could I forget this wonderful news.

Yes, it's true. My wife and I are expecting our second child in February. How exciting it is to know my family is growing.

We're right now in the 'lets figure out names' stage. Shawna has a big list already of names for the new baby. I have a couple. I'm partial on Gabriel if it's a boy. What do you think?

Isabelle knows there's a baby growing in her mommy's tummy but I don't think she's quite sure of what's going on. It won't really make sense until later on in the pregnancy, I think. I wonder how she's going to handle being a big sister. She's already a handful on her own. Will she settle down and help her mommy, or will she get jealous for attention and act out even more? I guess only time will tell.

Blow me away

They fall in line
One at a time
Ready to play
(I can't see them anyway)
No time to lose
We've got to move
Steady your helm
(I am losing sight again)

Fire your guns
It's time to run
Blow me away
(I will stay, in the mess I made)
After the fall
We'll shake it off
Show me the way

Only the strongest will survive
Lead me to heaven, when we die
I am the shadow on the wall
I'll be the one to save us all

There's nothing left
So save your breath
Lying in wait
(Caught inside this tidal wave)
Your cover's blown
No where to go
Holding your fate
(Loaded I will walk alone)

Fire your guns
It's time to run
Blow me away
(I will stay, in the mess I made)
After the fall
We'll shake it off
Show me the way

Only the strongest will survive
Lead me to heaven, when we die
I am the shadow on the wall
I'll be the one to save us all
Wanted it back(Don't fight me now)

-Breaking Benjamin

(Video here)

Remembering D-day

65 years ago thousands of men, many of whom were younger than I am now, set out on the largest invasion ever attempted in human history. It was an enormous gamble and hundreds lost their lives.

The gamble paid off.

But before we can remember the events of D-Day, it's important to remember the events that took place before hand. To remember the Dieppe raid. If not for the lessons learned by that ill-fated raid, the Normandy invasion may not have succeeded the way it did. Many men, most of which were Canadian, lost their lives in Dieppe.

Today, all over the globe, we celebrate the beginning of the end of the second world war. If not for the foothold these brave men made on the France coast the war would have surely continued for many more years, possibly with Nazi victory.

Never forget the cost for our freedom that we so often take for granted. Remember the lives lost, then and now.

Lest We Forget

Lest We Forget Part Two

Hi ho, hi ho. It's off to school I go.

Friday morning I have a meeting with one of the school liaisons at Durham College to discuss the possibility of me going back to school.

As the plans sits right now I would be a part time student for the first three semesters, only needing to take a couple of courses. The final semester would be full time as I would need to take more than half the courses which is understandable considering the credits I'm missing from my first time around were from the fourth semester.

I don't know what the cost is yet. I'll find that out on Friday. With any luck I'll still be able to work full time while doing the first three semesters and maybe even get work to pay for part of my tuition.

Here's hoping everything goes as planned.

A short poem by me.

Sitting so still watching the tele,
With my love checking out Avon.
11:30 at night,
tired but can't sleep.
So I'll write this bad poem,
And then count some sheep.

-Chris Burrows (if I really want to take credit for this crap. I have better. Trust me. If you're good I'll post it for you.)

Lest We Forget Part Two

Release

A leaping wind from England,

The skies without a stain,

Clean cut against the morning

Slim poplars after rain,

The foolish noise of sparrows

And starlings in a wood -

After the grime of battle

We know that these are good.

Death whining down from heaven,

Death roaring from the ground,

Death stinking in the nostril,

Death shrill in every sound,

Doubting we charged and conquered -

Hopeless we struck and stood;

Now when the fight is ended

We know that it was good.

We that have seen the strongest

Cry like a beaten child,

The sanest eyes unholy,

The cleanest hands defiled,

We that have known the heart-blood

Less than the lees of wine,

We that have seen men broken,

We know that man is divine.

~W. N. Hodgson

I often find myself drawn to war. Wanting so badly to be over there, doing my part, serving my country. How is it fair that these men and women risk their lives, often losing them, in the name of peace while we live out our lives oblivious to what they're going through.

Every civilian can say they understand what it's like over there. "I've watched Saving Private Ryan so I fully understand what soldiers went through at Normandy." "I have dozens of books on war so I know what it's like." The truth is there's no way we can understand what it's like in battle, to watch your friends die around you, to know that you could be next.

There's is a special fraternity, few are privileged to join.

It takes great courage to choose to go into combat. To choose a career knowing full well they could be killed before they reach the age of 30. Leaving behind wives, children, family and friends. Courage that has to be admired.

But casualties of war go beyond those who lose their lives. We often forget those who are suffering from post traumatic stress. Shell shock as it was called in the first world war. It can't be easy for those who come home alive, but not well. I, myself, suffer from severe depression and have come close on several occasions to losing my mind, but I could never imagine what it's like for these men and women to come home with the thought of those friends they've left behind. They're friends that never made it home.

On April 23, 2009, Major Michelle Mendes was found dead in her quarters at Kandahar Airfield. The cause of her death is still under investigation by the military but it was not caused during battle. She was alone in her quarters. And while our thoughts instinctively go to suicide we have to remember that there is yet no proof. Accidents do happen and is possible in this instance.

There are several other Canadian soldiers who have lost their lives in non-combat situations since the war in Afghanistan started. I'm not going to name names because I'm not here to pass judgement or sully any one's name. They are listed on my last blog (Lest We forget) and as far as I'm concerned a casualty is a casualty whether from an insurgent attack or the stress of war and they deserve our respect just as much as any other soldier.

My prayers go out to all our soldiers, home and away, their family and loved ones; I pray for the strength for them to carry on. And if the stress of it all gets to much and they feel there's no other way I pray the Lord take their pain and give them peace.

'- But a Short Time to Live'

Our little hour - how swift it flies

When poppies flare and lilies smile;
How soon the fleeting minute dies,
Leaving us but a little while
To dream our dreams, to sing our song,
To pick the fruit, to pluck the flower,
The Gods - They do not give us long, -
One little hour.

Our little hour - how short it is

When love with dew-eyed loveliness
Raises her lips for ours to kiss
And dies within our our first caress.
Youth flickers out like wind-blown flame,
Sweets of to-day to-morrow sour,
For Time and Death, relentless, claim
Our little hour.

Our little hour - how short a time

To wage our wars, to fan our hates,
To take our fill of armoured crime,
To troop our banner, storm the gates.
Blood on the sword, our eyes blood-red,
Blind in our puny reign of power,
Do we forget how soon is sped
Our little hour.

Our little hour - how soon it dies;

How short a time to tell our beads,
To chant our feeble Litanies,
To think sweet thoughts, to do good deeds.
The alter lights grow pale and dim,
The bells hang silent in the tower -
So passes with the dying hymn
Our little hour.

~ Leslie Coulson

*Photo credit:

KA2005-R106-0184d01

November 2005

Kabul, Afghanistan

As the sun sets Corporal (Cpl) Michael Meagher pipes down the Canadian Flag that is flying over a Forward Operating Base somewhere in Afghanistan. Cpl Meagher is a rifleman belonging to Golf Company from the 2nd Battalion, The Royal Canadian Regiment (2 RCR), a mechanized infantry battalion from Gagetown, NB. His hometown is Kitchener-Waterloo, ON.
The relocation of our Canadian Forces assets in Afghanistan will be completed by early December, at which point approximately 450 Canadian soldiers will be based at Kandahar Airfield in addition to about 150 soldiers at Camp Nathan Smith. The aim of this reorganization is to increase the effectiveness and impact of CF assets in the region. The task force in Kandahar will grow to about 2,000 strong by February 2006.
Photo by: Master Corporal Ken FennerTask Force Afghanistan Roto 0Photographer

Lest We Forget

1. Private Nathan Smith, April 18, 2002


2. Sergeant Marc Léger, April 18, 2002


3. Private Richard Green, April 18, 2002


4. Corporal Ainsworth Dyer, April 18, 2002


5. Sergeant Robert Shory, October 2, 2003


6. Corporal Robbie Beerenfenger, October 2, 2003


7. Corporal Jamie Murphy, January 27, 2004


8. Private Braun Woodfield, November 24, 2005


9. Diplomat Glyn Berry, January 15, 2006


10. Master Corporal Timothy Wilson, March 2, 2006


11. Corporal Paul Davis, March 2, 2006


12. Private Robert Costall, March 29, 2006


13. Lieutenant William Turner, April 22, 2006


14. Corporal Randy Payne, April 22, 2006


15. Bombardier Myles Mansell, April 22, 2006


16. Corporal Matthew Dinning, April 22, 2006


17. Captain Nichola Goddard, May 17, 2006


18. Corporal Anthony Boneca, July 9, 2006


19. Corporal Jason Warren, July 22, 2006


20. Corporal Francisco Gomez, July 22, 2006


21. Corporal Christopher Reid, August 3, 2006


22. Corporal Bryce Keller, August 3, 2006


23. Sergeant Vaughn Ingram, August 3, 2006


24. Private Kevin Dallaire, August 3, 2006


25. Master Corporal Raymond Arndt, august 5, 2006


26. Master Corporal Jeffery Walsh, August 9, 2006


27. Corporal Andrew Eykelenboom, August 11, 2006


28. Corporal David Braun, August 22, 2006


29. Sergeant Shane Stachnik, September 3, 2006


30. Warrant Officer Richard Nolan, September 3, 2006


31. Warrant Officer Frank Mellish, September 3, 2006


32. Private William Cushley, September 3, 2006


33. Private Mark Graham, September 4, 2006


34. Corporal Keith Morley, September 18, 2006


35. Corporal Shane Keating, September 18, 2006


36. Private David Byers, September 18, 2006


37. Corporal Glen Arnold, September 18, 2006


38. Private Josh Klukie, September 29, 2006


39. Corporal Robert Mitchell, October 3, 2006


40. Sergeant Craig Gillam, October 3, 2006


41. Trooper Mark Wilson, October 7, 2006


42. Private Blake Williamson, October 14, 2006


43. Sergeant Darcy Tedford, October 14, 2006


44. Corporal Albert Storm, November 27, 2006


45. Chief Warrant Officer Robert Girouard, November 27, 2006


46. Corporal Kevin Megeney, March 6, 2007


47. Corporal Aaron Williams, April 8, 2007


48. Corporal Christopher Stannix, April 8, 2007


49. Corporal Brent Poland, April 8, 2007


50. Sergeant Donald Lucas, April 8, 2007


51. Private Kevin Kennedy, April 8, 2007


52. Private David Greenslade, April 8, 2007


53. Master Corporal Allan Stewart, April 11, 2007


54. Trooper Patrick Pentland, April 11, 2007


55. Master Corporal Anthony klumpenhouwer, April 18, 2007


56. Corporal Matthew McCully, May 25, 2007


57. Master Corporal Darrell Priede, May 30, 2007


58. Trooper Darryl Caswell, June 11, 2007


59. Private Joel Wiebe, June 20, 2007


60. Sergeant Christos Karigiannis, June 20, 2007


61. Corporal Stephen Bouzane, June 20, 2007


62. Private Lane Watkins, July 4, 2007


63. Captain Jefferson Francis, July 4, 2007


64. Captain Matthew Dawe, July 4, 2007


65. Master Corporal Colin Bason, July 4, 2007


66. Corporal Cole Bartsch, July 4, 2007


67. Corporal Jordan Anderson, July 4, 2007


68. Private Simon Longtin, August 19, 2007


69. Master Warrant Officer Mario Mercier, August 22, 2007


70. Master Corporal Christian Duchesne, August 22, 2007


71. Major Raymond Ruckpaul, August 29, 2007


72. Corporal Nathan Hornburg, September 24, 2007


73. Private Michel Lévesque, November 17, 2007


74. Corporal Nicolas Beauchamp, November 17, 2007


75. Gunner Jonathan Dion, December 30, 2007


76. Warrant Officer Hani Massouh, January 6, 2008


77. Corporal Eric Labbé, January 6, 2008


78. Trooper Richard Renaud, January 15, 2008


79. Corporal Étienne Gonthier, January 23, 2008


80. Trooper Michael Hayakaze, March 2, 2008


81. Bombardier Jérémie Ouellet, March 11, 2008


82. Sergeant Jason Boyes, March 16, 2008


83. Private Terry Street, April 4, 2008


84. Corporal Michael Starker, May 6, 2008


85. Captain Richard Leary, June 3, 2008


86. Captain Jonathan Snyder, June 7, 2008


87. Corporal Brendan Downey, July 4, 2008


88. Private Colin Wilmot, July 6, 2008


89. Corporal James Arnal, July 18, 2008


90. Master Corporal Josh Roberts, August 9, 2008


91. Master Corporal Erin Doyle, August 11, 2008


92. Corporal Dustin Wasden, August 20, 2008


93. Sapper Stephan Stock, August 20, 2008


94. Sergeant Shawn Eades, August 20, 2008


95. Corporal Mike Seggie, September 3, 2008


96. Private Chad Horn, September 3, 2008


97. Corporal Andrew Grenon, September 3, 2008


98. Segeant Prescott Shipway, September 7, 2008


99. Warrant Officer Robert Wilson, December 5, 2008


100. Corporal Mark McLaren, December 5, 2008


101. Private Demetrios Diplaros, December 5, 2008


102. Private Justin Jones, December 13, 2008


103. Corporal Thomas Hamilton, December 13, 2008


104. Private John Curwin, December 13, 2008


105. Private Michael Freeman, December 26, 2008


106. Warrant Officer Gaetan Roberge, December 27, 2008


107. Sergeant Gregory Kruse, December 27, 2008


108. Trooper Brian Good, January 7, 2009


109. Sapper Sean Greenfield, January 31, 2009


110. Corporal Kenneth O`Quinn, March 3, 2009


111. Corporal Dany Fortin, March 3, 2009


112. Warrant Officer Dennis Brown, March 3, 2009


113. Tropper Marc Diab, March 8, 2009


114. Master Corporal Scott Vernelli, March 20, 2009


115. Trooper Corey Hayes, March 20, 2009


116. Corporal Tyler Crooks, March 20, 2009


117. Trooper Jack Bouthillier, March 20, 2009


118. Trooper Karine Blais, April 13, 2009


119. Major Michelle Mendes, April 23, 2009

To date, 119 Canadian soldiers have lost their lives in Afghanistan.

What scares me

You know, there's not much that scares me in this world.

I like watching spiders. I don't want them to touch me but if one did I wouldn't scream like a little girl. I'm fine with heights. Thunder storms, no problem.

But what really freaks me out, zombies. Oh my God. You can kill vampires. You can kill werewolves. But damn, zombies are already dead. You can try but it takes a shot to the head. The tiny tiny head.

And their armies grow exponentially. We kill one and their army gets smaller and ours stays the same. They kill one and their army gets bigger and ours gets smaller. How fair is that. And lets face it, there's one zombie for every human on this planet.

Now it says in the bible that when there's no more room in hell the dead will walk the Earth. That means even the bible is predicting zombies.

One day I was reading the Watchtower, that publication from the Jehovah's Witnesses, because I was bored. According to their beliefs hell is where you go before heaven. Essentially it's the ground. So yea. When there's nowhere else to bury the dead then they'll be back. Even the Jehovah's are predicting it.

Damn the freak me out. Not the Jehovah's, they're a minor inconvenience when they come to the door, but zombies. Yea, okay. I've run out of good things to write about.

Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.

Today we gave my Grandmother's body back to the Earth. Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.

The service itself was quite nice. Somehow I ended up being in charge of all the pallbearers. Probably because I was getting inpatient with the people at the funeral home and wanted to get our direction so everything went smoothly. They wanted us there an hour and a half early so we could get direction but they didn't tell us anything until 20 minutes to the service and that's only because I tracked the funeral director down.

That's something I get from my father. When things need to get done and no one seems to be able we step up to the plate. I'm beginning to wonder if he's not getting tired of it and wishes someone else would take the reins for a while. I guess that's where I'm going to come in.

My Grandmother was born in 1920. Just after the end of the first world war. Just think of the things she's seen in her life. When she was born she probably didn't have electricity. The depression was going on. Everyone was poor.

She saw cars take over the roads. Aircraft evolve from paper and wood to rockets that could reach the stars. She went from a time where you had to work for everything you had to a time where everything is given to you.

I see it all to often these days in the kids I have working for me. No work ethic.

And that's why my Grandmother came from a greater generation. A generation where values meant a lot more.

A couple of years ago, when southern Ontario and parts of the US were completely blacked out, know one knew what to do. All the luxuries we take for granted were taken away, but she relived the first part of her life. No TV. No radio. No air conditioning.

And that's what this whole funeral thing is about, isn't it? Not just saying goodbye but to remind ourselves of what life is all about. What really matters. I came to this realization over the last few days. And it got me thinking about that horoscope from the day my Grandmother passed away. You can read it on my April 4th blog.

I am just as guilty as everyone else. I get so pissed when the TV guide on the digital box isn't working and I have to skim through each channel individually, which is stupid because we don't have a digital box on the TV up stairs so I have to skim through those channels and I don't complain. I complain when there's no more hot water for the shower. When my microwave dinner that says will be ready in five minutes is ready in 10.

Lets face it. We all get worked up over the stupidest things. And what happens in the end is we hurt those around us. We make ourselves sick.

But back to the horoscope.

"It is a great day to put into action one of those ideas you've kept simmering on the back burner for so long. You can make something happen and embark on a whole new journey. Take advantage of the possibilities that are all around you."

Maybe this whole experience is going to give me the strength I need to move forward. The strength to go after what I want out of life. I do have ideas I've kept on the back burner. Now is the time to take that journey.

Gramma. You lived a long and full life. You raised 9 fantastic children and numerous grandchildren and great grandchildren. You've seen things we can only dream of. You grew up with an appreciation for what it means to be alive that has been lost on many of us today. You were a great person and loved by many. I hope I've made you proud and continue to make you proud as I start my journey. I'm sorry it took your passing to make me realize what it truely means to be alive.

Hearts are breaking here on Earth...

In loving memory of my grandmother

Another angel has been called home.

'April 04, 2009
Every good thing must come to an end, and you'll be saying goodbye to a pleasant person or experience today. But don't be too sad for too long -- saying goodbye to one thing just gives you the opportunity to say hello to something new! It is a great day to put into action one of those ideas you've kept simmering on the back burner for so long. You can make something happen and embark on a whole new journey. Take advantage of the possibilities that are all around you.'

When I turned on the computer this morning the first thing I saw was this, my horoscope. I don't generally read my horoscope so to have this pop up out of the blue was a little disturbing.

I've read my horoscope in the past. Just the usual stuff: you'll find true love, money is just around the corner, your lucky numbers are...

This is the first time one of them has come true. My Gramma past away this evening at 6:22.

This has just been one messed up experience for me. I thought for sure I'd lose my mind and break down. I've been on the edge for a while now. But when my dad called and gave me the news I was, well for the lack of a better word, calm. I've teared up a little since receiving the news but nothing like before.

I don't know how to take this. I'm sad, but not, if that makes any sense. I'm just kind of emotionless. Is this normal? Am I going to be able to grieve properly? Or will I just bottle it up like I've done with things in the past.

I went to see her this evening with my wife after getting the news. My dad was the only one in the room with Gramma. He was staying just in case family showed up to visit who hadn't heard the news. I can only guess what was going through his mind, sitting there in near dark with his mom. Scratch that. I don't want to guess.

Gramma looked like she had yesterday. Just no oxygen mask and no movement. She was just lying there. I will admit she looked very peaceful.

So, over the next few days arrangements will be made. Family will get together. Some will fight. Some won't. Such is the way of the Burrows'.

Gramma, I'll miss you dearly and love you a lot. I'm sorry I didn't see you before you went into the hospital.

I remember Grampa Linnard never said goodbye. It was always "until next time". And that's what this is. Not a goodbye, but I'll see you again, some day. Until then have a great time visiting all the family and friends who went before you. Those you called out for before you went.

Love you always.

Chris

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there

I do not sleep

I am a thousand winds that blow

I am the diamond glints on snow

I am the sunlight on ripened grain

I am the gentle autumn rain

When you awaken in the morning hush

I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight

I am the soft stars that shine at night

Do not stand at my grave and cry

I am not there

I did not die.