Today I went to visit my Grandmother. Did I get to talk to her? Hear her voice? No. She's been sedated to keep her comfortable and to help her and those around her sleep. She's still been calling out for those gone before her.The way she looked was not the way I wanted to remember her. Lying in bed, an oxygen mask on her face, head tilted back and mouth wide open. If it was for the occasional breath I would have thought she had already gone.
Her breathing was so shallow at times I thought it had stopped all together.
At one point we thought she was waking up. Her eyes opened slightly but it didn't last. She went back to sleep.
We're getting mixed messages from doctors and family. At one point we were told it wouldn't be long. But the nurse, my parents' neighbour, said her vitals were normal so it could be a while before she finally goes.
Part of me hopes it's sooner than later, as bad as that sounds.
I guess there's not much else to say. It's 1:20 am and my antidepressants are kicking in. I'm so mentally and physically fatigued.
The photo above was taken this past Christmas. She had requested a big family get together. Another sign she was getting ready to go. I played Santa for the kids. I wanted it to be memorable for them and her.
Chris.....what you described is what I saw when she was in the hospital in Alliston....I know it's hard but try to erase that memory and focus on the pictures from Christmas when she was happy and had most of her family with her. And, sooner rather doesn't sound bad at all, shows you have a heart, none of us want to see her continue to suffer and she's ready to go.....Sherry
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